Felix Constantly Strikes Out
by shelaughs
Summary: Normally, Felix has the ladies lining up. What could possibly be making them turn away? It can't possibly be his list of witty pick-up lines, can it?
1. Prologue

**Felix Constantly Strikes Out: Prologue**

"Felix," Demetri's voice, smooth as ever, sounded from behind me. I jumped slightly, and turned to see him standing there, Corin at his side. "What are you doing?"

"Making a list of pick-up lines." I answered, proud of myself.

"Pick-up lines? You know that those don't work, right?" Corin was peering over at my list, and I handed it to her. I watched as her eyebrows raised, a smirk slowly spreading across her pretty face as she read each line. When she was finished, she handed it back, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter.

"Why are you laughing?" I demanded, reading my list closely, wondering which word I could possibly have spelled wrong.

"Those _won't_work," She answered, collapsing in gales of laughter, holding onto Demetri's arm for support. "They're the _worst_ pick-up lines I have _ever_ heard!"

Demetri was barely able to keep his laughter controlled.

"Wanna bet, Cory?" I felt the slow smile spread across my face as her laughter stopped.

"My name isn't-"

"Of course, Felix. We'll both bet with you. Why not let the others in on it, too?" Demetri interrupted.

"The others?" I faltered, not sure whether they should be included or not.

"What's the matter, Felix? Not as confident as you claim?" Once again, Corin's eyebrows shot up under her hair, that irritating smirk on her face.

"Of _course_ I'm confident. Tell everyone you want."

She nods. "How much?"

Demetri offers: "Twenty big ones."

Corin snorts, knocking him playfully on the arm. "You're not serious."

"Make that fifty, and you've got a deal."

Corin and Demetri both turn towards me. Corin looks doubtful.

"Fifty bucks says what?"

"Fifty bucks say that I get some. Tonight."

They nod.

"Deal." Says Demetri.

"Boy, am I looking forward to seeing you get shot down tonight, Felix." Corin laughs.

I snort, promising myself that no matter what it takes, I _will_ get laid tonight.

* * *

I'm hoping to enjoy this one as much as I do _Addiction_. Review & alert if you liked!


	2. Strike One

**Felix Constantly Strikes Out: Strike One**

We moved along the streets of Volterra in near silence. I walked near the street, while Demetri walked near the walls. Corin skipped along between us, a cell phone clutched tightly in her hand.

"Why do you have that?" I montioned towards it, and she chuckled.

"Because, Dear Felix, everyone wants constant updates," She held it up, pointing it at my face, "It even has video taking capabilities!"

Snarling, I shoved it away. She placed it in her pocket, a protective hand covering it.

"So, Felix," I glanced over at Demetri, who was watching the road ahead of us, "How is it you plan to... start your nightly adventure?"

I frowned. "We're starting off at L'Incontro."

"Starting off?" Corin glanced up, eyebrows raised. I really wished she's stop doing that.

"Yes."

"I thought your pick-up lines were brilliant. You told Aro you'd only be gone ten minutes, which honestly isn't a lot to brag about, when you have a get to the restaurant, get the girl, give her the pick-up line, _and_ get laid." I had to admit, she had a point. I probably shouldn't have bragged about the short time it would take. No wonder Chelsea had been in a fit of giggles when we left.

"You shook Aro's hand before we left..." Demetri pointed out. "He won't be expecting us back so soon... not with all _your_ doubtful thoughts."

Corin smirked. "Just because he can charm Gianna, doesn't mean it will work on others. You may be pretty, Felix- we all are- but your personality will send them running for the hills."

"My personality won't matter much, if they're just looking for a romp in the hay." I answered, winking at Demetri, who barely smiled at my crude humor.

Corin sniffed, and walked a bit ahead of us. I could hear her murmuring something about Gianna under her breath, but I ignored it. She liked the human secretary no more than I truly did. When she had served her time, it would come down to Corin and I. One of us would get her, to do with as we pleased.

Either way, Gianna was going to die. I shrugged it off.

Corin came to a stop several yards in front of Demetri and I, having caught sight of L'Incontro. As she waited, she tapped her foot gently on the pavement. Not out of irritation, I knew, but because she was trying her best to appear human.

It was something she was surprisingly good at, and I supposed it was because she remembered a lot of her early days, before her change. She didn't speak of them much- I never asked why, as we weren't especially close- but I knew they had been bad. I had been present at her Change, a couple centuries ago. She'd been broken, and bleeding, and near death. Santiago, who had been in charge of... "recruitment"... at the time, hadn't explained why he had saved her. It couldn't ahve been beauty, her face had been smashed. I supposed Aro had seen potential, which had been proven after her change, when she had convinced our secretary, Charles, to leap from the top of the tower to the ground below.

Corin's power was persuasion.

A cleared throat brought me back.

Corin and Demetri were both watching me with the same look of annoyance.

"Felix," Corin hissed. "Felix!"

"What?" It sounded dumb. I flinched.

Demetri frowned. "Were you listening?"

"No." I admitted.

Corin sighed. "Demetri and I will be at the far end of the bar. You can... attempt... to get a woman on the other side. And can you always be in plain sight? I want to tape this."

Growling in frustration, I started towards the bar.

* * *

I could see perfectly in the low, romantic light of the bar, as I swept between the chairs and tables. I had to breath carefully, it was stuffy in here, and the place stunk of fresh blood. Corin and Demetri had drifted away, and were seated at a table nearby- within hearing distance- and Corin was speaking into her cell phone.

"Nawh," She was saying, laughing lightly, "He's heading towards the bar. He hasn't spoken to anyone yet."

Chelsea's reply was distant, and I couldn't hear it over the music.

"I plan on taping it, Chelsea, don't worry. I shall _never_ let him live this down."

_Live what down? _I wondered. _Getting laid while she sits at a table with Demetri, talking on the phone to stuffy old Chelsea?_

I snorted at my own wit. Stuffy.

I settled down at the bar, glancing up and down until I spotted a woman and the end. She was alone, and quite pretty for a human. Her hair was dark black, her skin olive. I smiled.

Local.

Standing, and winking towards Demetri- Corin now had her cell pointed towards me, her face amused- I started over to her, slipping into the seat.

She barely glanced at me, before looking back down at her drink. I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

Smiling, I leaned in so that she could smell the sweet scent of my skin. Still, she didn't look up.

I pulled my list out of my pocket, and peeked at it out of the corner of my eye. I heard both Demetri and Corin snort.

**1. Where have you been all my life?**

Clearing my throat to get her attention, I smiled, showing my white teeth.

"So tell me, Baby, where have you been all my life?"

Finally, she glances over, her face dark.

"Hiding from you."

As she stood and left, she walked quickly past my friends, who were both doubled over with laughter. Corin's phone was pointing at my face, and I thought that I could almost hear the booming laughter coming from Castle Volturi.

Sighing with aggravation, I turned back towards the bar.

Strike One.


	3. Strike Two

**Felix Constantly Strikes Out: Strike Two**

The woman had obviously been suffering from some sort of insufficient mental capacity. It was the only answer I could come up with to explain her rejection. After all, what woman wouldn't want me? As I wondered about this out loud, I heard Corin snort from across the room.

"Any woman with common sense." She answered.

"Rhetorical question, Cory." I snapped. She didn't reply, but I caught her smirk in the mirror above the bar.

Sighing, partly from annoyance and partly from confusion, I gazed around the bar. It was later than it had been at the time of my first attempt, and the amount of humans had almost doubled. The sweet scent of blood was nearly overwhelming, but I had enough self control to wait it out. I had already spotted my next target, who was sitting with friends in a corner booth not far from Demetri and Corin. She was a tourist, with a pretty face and thin body.

I looked back into the mirror, this time catching Demetri's eye. Winking, I started towards the table full of tourists.

Corin's phone whipped out, once again pointed in my direction.

As I moved closer towards the table, a surprising feeling of terror enveloped me. This one didn't appear of have a diminished mental capacity, but the other one hadn't either. What if I were turned down again? Corin would never let me live it down.

In my split second of hesitation, Corin pounced.

"It seems our dear Felix has taken a hit to his confidence, Demetri," Her voice was sweet, but I could hear the victory in her words. "I suppose now would be a good time to call Chelsea, and let her know the bet is over and we've won?"

"As good a time as ever." Demetri answered, his head tilted curiously to the side. He handed Corin his phone, while he took over the "video taking capabilities" of her own.

"Put the phone down, Corin." I snarled, annoyed. Why did she have to get to me so? "I'm not finished. We've got all night- and _I want to get some!_"

The clear disappointment in her face gave me new confidence. I checked my list, and strode towards the table with my head held high, slipping into the seat next to the pretty woman.

"So, what's your sign?" I asked, waggling my eyebrows in her direction.

Her girlfriends giggled, their eyes bright and breath foul with alcohol.

"Do not enter."

Laughter exploded from the drunk women. They laughed over the answer while I sat there, dumbfounded. I had to find a place without slow women, or drunk women, and quick. Leaping from the table, sending drinks flying in every direction, I made for the front door. Demetri stood as I passed, and started after me- but Corin was headed in the opposite direction.

Back towards the table full of drunk tourists.

Phone clutched in her hands, she tapped one of them on the shoulder, and said in her sweetest voice: "Would you all mind taking a picture with me? I _adore _tourists."

She wiggled herself into the middle of the group, and smiled a sweet- and triumphant- smile as the bus boy took their picture.

If Demetri hadn't held me back, I swear I would have killed her.

Once we were outside and into a dark alley, I leaped at her. She danced out of my way, a musical giggle sounding from between her pale lips. As she skipped ahead, always just out of my reach, she called back:

"Strike two, Felix!"


	4. Interlude

**Felix Constantly Strikes Out: Interlude**

"Give me back the battery!" Corin's furious words rang through the alley, and she advanced towards me with fingers drawn into deadly claws. Her eyes followed my every move- she'd given herself over to her hunter side, and she was hunting _me_.

Most other people would have had the overwhelming temptation to run. My temptation wasn't quite overwhelming, per-say, but it wasn't far away from that. My hands trembled, but I hung onto the phone battery for dear life. She _wasn't_ getting it back.

"Just give her back the battery, Felix." Demetri lounges on a nearby bench, his eyes closed and his entire body relaxed. He obviously isn't going to make a move to help me. I'm on my own.

I stand my ground. I will not lose to her this time.

Corin's snarl echoes, and she takes a step closer. My stupid body takes a step back- one of those involuntary movements, you know?

"She can't have it back. It's her stupid phone that's distracting me. It's why I keep getting shot down!"

Demetri snorts, and I hear a bit of Corin-style sarcasm in his voice.

"Yes, Felix, the_ phone_ is making them shoot you down."

Corin tilts her head to the side, her eyes clearing a bit as she digests what Demetri says. Slowly, I can see her return to herself, and I know she's finally normal as her joyous laughter sounds around the alley. I relax.

"Fine!" She gasps between wails of laughter. "You keep it! It'll only show you that it's _you_ they're running away from."

She turns and starts off in the direction of our second destination, and I get the feeling that I haven't won this argument at all, and have in fact only dug myself a deeper hole.

Squeezing the stolen battery in my hand, I toss it into the garbage can next to Demetri. His eyes have opened, and he's watching me now, those dark orbs alight with amusement.

"You realize she's not finished yet, right? You may have taken her phone, but you haven't taken her spite. She won't lose, Felix."

"And you think I intend too?" I raise my eyebrows, before remembering it's something Corin does often- I jerk them back down using my fingers. Demetri laughs, and pats my shoulder.

"It's your funeral, friend."

He starts off after Corin, and I get that sinking feeling my gut. It's not a great feeling, either.


End file.
